This thorn in my side

This thorn in my side
This thorn in my side is from the tree
This thorn in my side is from the tree I've planted
It tears me and I bleed-Metallica
Sometimes in life ya think you've got things figured out but in the end it's just another kick in the ass. I don't know if I can a way out of the wall I have created. Not to dwell on it any more but four years down the shitter just to come out in a fucking septic tank in hell, it sucks. However last night I met an old friend of mine.Maui. It's blue liquer. It is fucking awesome. Well what to do. I need some advice. I'll take anything I can get from anyone who reads this shit. I know this awesome girl who under normal circumstances I would ask out. Problem: I still have feelings for Alissa. Four years I spent telling my self it was just a high school crush but I still have feelings. Want to know why I drink. When I'm drunk I don't care about what happened. All I'm worried about is trying to stay alert. It's those moments when I don't feel. Think it's bad being kicked in the balls. This eats away at me everyday. I'd rather things not have worked out in a relationship thn deal with this. There's no closure. There's nothing to close. There are no memories of what was. It's all huanting dreams of what could(should) have been.