Sunday Bloody Sunday

I hate sleep. It just reminds me that someone should be next to me. On a happy note I get my car this week. I already have the keys. Sorry not much to write but, nothing has changed in such along time that there is nothing new.

Somebody rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed

What is love? It's a word used alot but what is it. Is it just a feeling or is it more. I've been talking to this girl and she's awesome. She is smart, well-dressed, nice rack, great personality. She even finds my worst attributes as just cute or funny. What's not to like? Yet somehow I still find myself with these god damn feelings for Alissa and I still don't have a fucking chance because I'm still a fucking idiot. I wish I knew what to do but I don't. So any advise will be (as usual) just thown to the wayside like an empty bottle of vodka.

For god damn mother fuckers

I give up. I'm failing first year seminar and I honestly don't fucking care. I was asked today why I drink so much and I thought about it. So here's the answer you fuckers have been looking for. I drink for the few moments in witch I don't remember my problems. Yes, I'm a fucking drunk. But you can blame yourselves. Maybe instead of me that was wrong it was all of you fuckers. Maybe you wern't good enough friends. Just think about the influence you have on others. This whole fucking conversation is based on something Britta said to me today. She finds my girly manurisms cute and my complete lack of concern for others a cover for a softer side. It still baffeles me how anyone would want to spend time with a sorry loser like me but shit, it's her waste of time. Well getting drunk tonight. Yes wednesday is my drinking night. I hope that damn nigger mechanic finishes that time machine soon.
"Wine is fine but wiskey quicker.
Suiside is slow with liqour."- Ozzy

Life sucks and your the dick !!!!

Thanx to all of you who waste your time reading this aweful blog. You know what I hate. People who go for a week without a fucking post. I knew this would happen. For the first month everybody loved thier blog and now you reject it like a red headed step child. Anyways my soory excuse for a life has gotten worse. What happened to the good times. It's time to go out and find something else. I'll get to Cali some day and when I do I will never come back to this fucking state again.

Still selling

Just to revise my previous post
1987 Toyota Corolla FX-16
1.6L 4A-GE T-VIS controled Direct ignition H.O DOHC Inline 4
4 wheel Brembo desinged disc brakes

Waiting ,hating, and selling

Slight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I'm waiting for you. -U2
I hate this blog. However I guess it's nice to put my opion out where it matters. The Internet. I'm sure the 7 unlucky people who stumbles across this page everyday really give a damn. Well new car soon. I hate to sell mine but it's old. So if anyone wants a cheap car that's great on gas...
1987 Toyota Corolla FX-16
1.6L DOHC T-VIS controlled aluminum Inline 4
4 speed auto trans with O/D
CD
7500 RPM Redline
30-38 MPG

Tom + Booze + Hot Date

What the hell happened saturday? Funny how thigns seem to go down hill until your at the breaking piont and then that's when you find out what your made of. Me, under this rather handsome, smoke filled, drunk shell is a very weak panzy. Alcohol is my weakness. I can control what I do when I'm drunk but I choose not to. I love weddings. At least saturday's wedding. I was asked my my date's father to play poker wednesday. So let's see if I can win some cash.

I am flawed but cleaning up so well.

The reason I really think it's too soon for me to go up to see a certian someone is that if it goes like last time I might do something stupid and hurt someone else which would end up hurting me. Isthis is where evolution has gotten us. We still do anything for our own survival. My weekend plans go as follow. Friday-Call Jason and Chip, get drunk, pass out. Saturday-Wake up at 2:00 and get ready for a wedding. Yes a wedding. For whatever reason someone want's my company for a wedding. I only said I would go after a long discussion about relationships including her ex and my current situation. Sunday-one can only hope still drunk. So if I have dissapointed anyone I can say I'm sorry but that would be a lie. I (yes me of all people) need time to sort things out. To comment on where does being does being negative get me. It doesen't get me anywhere but niether does being positive. I'd rather be negative. When your at the bottom you can't go down any more. So I'm going to check on that god damned time machine and smoke another cigarette.

I still don't care.

Never try to keep everybody happy. I don't care what you think of me. If I'm failing to meet your needs find someone else. If your trying to make me feel bad, stop trying. I can't sympathize with your feelings because you brought it on yourself. I'm at ther point where I have to make a decision. Keep you happy or me, and I'm keeping myself happy. The only person(who reads this shit) I can sympathize with is Jason. The things that have happened to him are bad and aren't his fault. Everyone else you put yourself there with your own dumbfuck decisions. Yes I'm where I'm at now because of my own dumbfuck decisions.

Behind these blue eyes

Behind these blue eyes lie a caring compasionate person. Some in this dark and empty soul lies a person who just wants to find someone or something to love. I pour my heart into the thought that one day I might be half the man I want to be. I was invited to a wedding this saturday. I don't really care for weddings but free booze and I don't have to drive(although I will). Who can pass that up. I talked to a friend of mine who has an interest in me.Why? Who the hell knows, but I told her about my current situation and she was cool with it. She said then we can just be great friends. What kind of person is this? If that had happened to me, I don't know what I would do. So I told her that that sounds great. We all need a friend who cares and is there to just listen. She told me everything about herself and I was actually interested. She seems like a great person(or at least better than I) but I don't want to jump into anything or loose any more chances. I'm fine with being friends and she seems fine with that to.

Things are looking up!

That's because I'm laying on my bed with a kinife at my throat. Just kidding. Well things now could be worse. I may be failing freshmen seminar.Fucking class. Then on the other hanad I was asked to tutor a class. So fuck you freshmen seminar. Well I enjoyed today's weather. The gloomy rain reminded me of my empty soul. . I'm tired of trying and failing .No wonder people don't try anymore. Everytime I try at something it or something else just falls apart. Everytime I bring myself to do something it fails before I even try. I sick of putting my feelings on this damn blog but if not here where else? I don't want sympathy. Sympathy dosen't change things. All I want is for me to be happy again. Happiness eludes me, love is but a wish, and joy is not even found at the bottom of a bottle. Christ I hate place. I just want things to be different. I want to go back 4 years and change what I haven't done. However my time machine is broke and my lazy nigger mechanic spends all day eating chicken wings.

Like you really care

Stop trying. I know you don't care. You ever meet the girl of your dreams and think that you might loose her forever just because your a lazy dumb fuck who didn't say anything when he should have, but waited until the worst possible time instead. No. This shit only happens to me. This fucking blog is begining to show me how bad of a person I am. You poeple are just as dumb as me for being my friends. I'm lazy, loud, vulgar, smoke filled, drunk, hopeless, and maybe more of a bum than Jerome. I hate everything. Will I leave this life empty and alone because of my unsympathetic attitude towards everyone? Will anyone ever want to be with me? Or should I not try to find this person because I will probally end up hurting them like I hurt myself? Will there ever be a bright day in this lonely place I call my heart? It's not looking up yet but things can change right? Altough lately things have gone from bad to worse. Oh well.

This is a post my friend had on his blog.

This post Is from my friend Chips blog. It's funny
First a little background. I have a retaining wall on my driveway, which is about 3.5-4 feet high depending on location along the wall. Well today as I was coming up the driveway I spooked a rabbit that was sitting in the driveway. Now this unfortunate creature was scared by the prospect of a car hurtling toward it so it of course took off, toward the retaining wall. It jumped the top of the wall, clearing it and plummeted to the other side. Now the rabbit was dazed but appeared okay. This story really has no point other than the fact that Darwin was wrong. Some animals got left out by evolution. Kind of like homo sapiens.

Circa 1900, the average person of luke warm IQ or genetic ability died at a very young age. They just were not smart enough to survive the harsh reality that is life. Fast Forward to a century of medical breakthroughs and liberalism. What do you end up with? 60 year old people who can't take care of themselves. Their poor parent's are forced to take care of them for years and when their parent's die these people are forced upon someone else be it a personal guardian or they become wards of the state. I'm not saying that they have no worth. It's just that has medicine and our superior intellect really furnished us with that much. We have longer work weeks, less free time thanks to virtual chains, and everyone feels disconnected. Those who feel connected to what is going on are by default connected only to themselves. Where has the technology gotten us, as my own hypocrisy reaches a pinnacle as a post this on a digital journal/message board?

You are a fucking idiot!!!

Yes I am so fuck you too. Well haven't posted in a couple days so I hope no one killed thenselves in withdrawl. Well I'm back so here's what's been going on and coming off. Friday Jason and I went to see Phil Keaggy. Awesome. I wanted to go home and burn my guitar. Today Jase and I went car shopping and I drove a 99 Honda Accord EX-V6 w/leather. Ahhh leather. Also I talked to Alissa today. It's nice to see her. It's not very often that I actually want to see someone. I was going to go backpacking this weekend but I didn't want to walk in te rain and I didn't feel like going anyways. I ate lunch at Cafe Bean. Chaz makes the best fucking food ever. I don't know what's better. Sex or Chaz's wrap. I would like to have both at the same time. So if anybody's up for a fornicating gourmet just call me. Well I'm goona go and watch Sat Night live. Alissa if you read this shit give me a call.

music for you assholes

go to lucmusic.com and look for the song "blue" and download it.

PA+relationships+job=ASS

I have nothing left to give. This would be my last entry but for whatever reason people actually read this shit and I would hate to disapoint anyone. A short follow up on my last entry. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. Just another lonely day. This is my dark side. These are the thoughts I should just keep to myself . Welcome to my nightmare. I was kind of asked for a date today. I was telling my friend that I think I might move this summer and she said that she wanted a date before I left. I bit of light in this ever darkening world. I would like to leave forever. Go somewhere where I don't know anyone. I know that won't happen but it would be nice. I had this dream that me and this girl(I don't know who she was) where moving. I was happy. Maybe that's my unconscious telling me go get the hell outta here. No matter what happens with my current situation I can't see it getting better until I know I'm leaving.

Thought your life sucked/Time off?

I hate this fucking blog. I go back and read things I have written and just see how pathetic I am. I'm trying to get with a girl I'll never be with, I'm trying to get a job I don't want, I'm trying to work so I can take time off, and I'm writing this in the blog that I'm all but sick of. Yes, pathetic I know but that's what I'm stuck with for now.
I think I need time off from everything.School, work, family, friends, everything. I just want some time to myself. That's the one thing I like about this shitty blog is that I can write what I think without having to be with anyone. I could not give a damn less who reads this shit. I'm sure half the people reading this couldn't care less either.

Just an addition...

Lindsay, I haven't spent enough time around you to be a complete ass. However sorry for anything i did.
P.S. Great wedding

Just a thought

Sometimes when you take the time to think about what the hell is going on you actually realize what is going on. Most of the time I just say whatever I feel at the moment and don't care about the consequences. It was always my policy to tell the truth especialy when it hurt. I don't care what you think of me. If you don't like me then fuck you. But I'm still afraid of not saying what I want to while I can. You see for a while there was something I wanted to say(ask) someone btI never did. I just didn't think I would get the responce I wanted. When I finally decided to say something It was too late. I only fear regrets. Other than not telling a certian someone how I felt about them sooner,I have no regrets. Even at my worst moments I have at least learned something or had fun doing what I was doing.
It's better to have loved and lost than to never haved loved at all.

Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I've said too much
-REM

Don't ask. Just take ity while you can get it.

This is one of the rare times I admit I was wrong. This is my "I'm sorry" to everybody.First to Jason for this weekend and my less than happy mood. You and Chip were the only ones to make this weekend worth living through. Also if at any time I was not the friend I should have been I'm also sorry.To Chip: You have been a good friend as long as I have known you and if at any point you have been offened by my joking I'm sorry. To Jerome: I ahve always looked up to you.You were always the ass of my jokes and will always be.I'm sorry if I ahve hurt you or for anything I might have done.To Donya: You were always there to listen to my drunken confessions.Thanx.To Tom:(even though he dosen't read this shit)This one is more for myself.I'm sorry that I didn't get to know you better.Your a great guy who works hard at everything.Never loose that.Finally and probally most important.To Alissa: I'm soory for eveeything I've done or may do.If I've ever hurt you or put myself first I'm sorry. I only want what is best for you and what will make you happy. I've been an ass for four years to everybody(some longer) and I was wrong.I love you all. Also I'm sorry for my less than good influence on people.I know I'm an ass and it wears off on people.

Why Can't I

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you, and we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too

but this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we are, we're at the beginning
We haven't loved yet, but my head's spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

I'd love for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
I'd love for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
> for this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
-Liz Phair

Worst fucking night ever

Friday was the worst fucking night of my entire life. I went to visit a friend and things didn't turn out as planned. So upon leaving(yes I was mad) a piece of my car began scraping and my cell phone died. It gets worse. I was on I79 south towards Robert Morris University when all cars heading south were kicked of 79 due to an accident. After a hour and a half detour i got lost somewhere north of moon pa. I asked about 7 people for directions and they were all fucking idiots. After driving(lost, mad and ready to cry, no literally I wanted to just drive off a bridge.) I found a cop and got him to pull over. He gave me directions right to the college were I met my friends and drank lots of vodka. So fuck you world. I won this round. To the asshole who gave me bad directions, a big fuck you. To the friend I met at the begining of the afternoon, well i'm not sure yet butI'll think of something. To Jason, Chip, and Greg, I was never so happy to see your ugly faces. I hate....

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. . .

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,. . .

Don't be a panzy, just pick up a knife

This is a line from my new song coffee bitch. Thought it made an interesting title. The truth is suicide is for panzies. Come on, kill yourself to get away from your problems?Just move or start drinking.
On another less then happy note: I have a chance to do something now that I've waited a long time to do, but like always there's a fucking catch. It requires me to change some plans but what are you gonna do. Sometimes the best thing to do is what your heart says is right. Some times I feel like leaving forever but right when I'm at the breaking point something happens or is said and everything changes. Why can't life be simple. I know what I have to do and for the first time I'm going to take the dive. Love or die alone.

Wish I had a gun

The whole way home today I wanted to shoot the dumb-fucks going 35 in a 45.Assholes.

another shout out

this ones to Jason. Jason has had a rough time lately but there is good news. Ladies he's single, smart, and is almost done with college.(that's right, he'll be making tons of cash soon.) So if your hot and signle leave a comment and I'll pass it on to him. This shout is to Jason. Jason the best drinking partner this side of the mon.

Go fuck a cow

If I see one more god damn punnet fucking square I'm going to kill someone. Anyways I want to send a shout out(no I'm not black) to a very special person. No not you dumb fuck, to Chip. He's one hell of a coffee bitch and dosen't get the appreciation he deserves. This lattes for for you coffee bitch. To my buddys in Denver a big fuck you from Fredricktown and to the people who come up with those Burger King ads, good job. Wopper heads, now that's funny. I wish subway would come up with somthing better. I work at subway. The food is a fresh as the 40 fucking flies I kill every morning. Now that would work. Well I'm the bouncer at Cafe Bean tommorow night from 7-10 if any of you fuckers know where that's at. Well I'm going to go and do something better than write to you fucks so have a good night and hope to see you in hell.
P.S. It's Miller Time

I hate this state.

I don't know what state the people reading this shit are from but Pennsylvania sucks dick. It's boring, lame, and well.... it just sucks. All of my problems are here. If I was to move I know i wouldn't leave them behind but, hell they'd be farther away right?But no here I am again. I met this girl today. We wre talking between classes. She seems like my typical girl( at least according to Alissa). Well nto quite. She's a blonde. I'm not completly sure but I don't think I've ever ated a blonde. Alissa(if your reading this shit) you wouldn't like her. She's smart, from an upscale part of the area, and is very pretty.(All qualities you didn't like about my past love interests)But she has an great personality. She's one of those people who seems like she'd be fun to be around.
Well, i've got better(or at least other) shit to do other than work on this god awful blog so have a good night and remember" God loves you but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
P.S. Tom N. is a __________
^add explitive^

Life's a bitch

You know anyone who you just think is absolutely beautiful. Not just in looks but personality. Some one who is just awesome. There is this girl I know and everytime I see or talk to her all Ican think is that I want to kiss her. Yes, Iknow that sounds cheezy but I just think she's great. You just don't meet a person like that everyday. Me, I wish I had her with me tonight. I kinda cold and lonely. Just me, a bottle Smirnoff, and a slowly empting pack of Camels. I hate thinking into things.(such as spelling and grammer. assholes). All day I block thoughts of things I wish I had said to people and at night when I'm alone they all arise like demons from the pit of Hell. That might account for my extensive use of profanity. It blocks what I'm really feeling and gets the point accross fast. Well have a good night you Fuck-Tards and remember, "Say whatever your thinking now cause if you don't, You'll regret it later."

Whatever

Me and my friend Jason played @ the bean tonight. I played two songs about Chip the Bean's Coffee Bitch. The first song was "coffee bitch" and the other was "Chip can't get a date". Keep laughing you useless fucks.
P.S. Tom N. , Your a Jew