The Beautiful Letdown

I found out i broke up with brooke burke. Well, the almost look alike. Wow. Was it for the better? Absofuckingluty. Anyways, i need sleep so i post some other shit tommorow. Maybe. Fuck it

this is your life, are you who you want to be

New years resolution

This is a list of shit that i will try to do and will probally fail at.

10. Kick Tom N. in the testicles
9. Take jeromes tan off (and find some strong ass chemicals)
8. Find out why the hell anyone reads this blog
7. Learn how to write(Fuckers)
6. Try to out dress Tom N.(I know, easy. Just call queer eye.)
5. Shave Chip's eyebrows
4. Move.( North Cali?)
3. Grow a beard(cause i can)
2. Spend more time with Alissa
1. Learn to Fly

If I could close my eyes forever.

I want to just lie down and never wake up. Had an argument with my parents about not going to college. I really don't want to go. I think that if i spent the next four years trying to get experince i would come out ahead of everyone in my graduating class. Anyways i'm no deciding weather to move agian. Denver seems less appealing. Northern California seems much better. I'll get back to ya on that.

Never be content

May i never be happy with good enough or second best. May i never stop striving for better.

Gloria in Te Domine

It's christmas eve fool. Donya's birthday ended about an hour ago. So merry birthday. In the mist of all the shopping and wrapping and then unwrapping and returning just remember Jesus was born so he could die for you.

One day i'll care.

I think so at least. Got my grades. Some good, some not so good. Somehow i don't care. The good grades don't make me happy and the bad ones don't make me sad/angry. For once things are going well and the last thing a care about is my education. Fuck college. If i took the cash my parents are spending on college and invested it in a shitty mutual fund i would be ahead of everyone else (finacially) at graduation. The education system is so fucked up it's not even funny. I mean come on, a degree only shows that you completed a bunch of courses. Experience is everything. Well fuck it. It's break and i don't give a damn about college shit. The only thing i'm worried about now is me and what makes me happy. I make me happy. All i have to do is look in the mirror and see this pretty face and mad muscles and i know, everything is going to be allright.

I love the snow.

Snow is little pieces of heaven falling from the sky. It is a reminder that we all need time to just stop and take it all in. Take a look outside and look at the beauty. I can't see how anyone could not like this time of year. 6 days till christmas and i still haven't bought a fucking present. That's right, not one. I am screwed. O well, worse comes to worse you'll all just get subway stamps. On a side note dave was succesfully droped off at the airport and his second flight ended in a firey crash. Also, tom n. died in surgery. His belongings will be sold at crazy low prices.

It's snowin' like a mother fucker

Snow.

Mysterious ways.

It was right there all along. You ever look for something for hours and then realize that it was right in front of you the whole time. I went on a feeling. I realized that a could not just stand there, not move on the moment, not follow the feeling. There something in those seductive spanish eyes that just hypnotizes. Might post more later. Maybe.

Is Tom N. dead?

We don't know yet, but i'm taking bets. $10 increments no checks please. Anyways i'm happy. Yes happy and sober. Now there's somethin' ya don't hear from me everyday. I've decided not to quit smoking. Nobody likes a quitter. Also, to go with this good mood, i'm spending a good deal of my break working out and chillin at monroeville mall (Britta works there). Today in other tom news, i'm writing another song. This one's gonna be good. Also my new hero is Colin Ferrell. He's the bomb.

They all live in a world of snakes and ladders, other lies and mistruths. Colin Ferrell

It's about fucking time.

After literally dozens minutes of studing the semester is finally over. Thank you God. This has possible been the most fucked up 5 months of my life. I have no regrets for anything that i have done or said only for what i didn't. May this break and lots of alcohol help me to blur any memory of this last semester. All but one. It's funny how things work out. Last day of class, and i finally take jason and jerome's advise and go for it. She didn't see it coming as she sat in her honda accord. She had a smile of curiousity as I stood by her car. She probally saw it coming. I asked Britta out. Sorry ladies. Last but not least I got to send a big fuck you to my easy but long business final and a big hug to Britta and Jason for making this sorry excuse for a man into a happier sorry excuse for a man. To the past, a wrecking ball. To the future a loud, smoking, alcoholic.

All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.
All in all you were all just bricks in the wall. - Pink Floyd

Holy Shit a talkin' muffin

Well today was a bitch and half. Talking to corporate smucks, and sitting in a chair. Almost to hard to handle. I'd post more but, i'm going to take a nice long bubble bath and soak in the aroma of lavander. Ahhhh. I'm as close to a chick you're gonna find in a straight guy.

Give me a chance and you'll see. I can make you happy.

Fuck this Final Exam

I just took the easiest fucking exam ever. Tom 1, Bio 0. The best thing is that i didn't study. The book made it inside, but it didn't get opened. Hahaha. Who's the king now? Well i'm conitnuing on my happy streak (you're not the only one waiting for a bitter end) and life's great. You see, when stop woring and live like the jerome, you find that this life dosen't matter in the least. All we can do is make the best for ourselves and others. I've allready proved that i can half-ass my way through, now it's time to focus myself on others. In particular, to make you happy. You may never feel the same way i do, but i can die happy if I can make you happy.

All I want to do is make you happy

Life is all about chances. Everyday we take chances. There are some chances we take and don't even realize it. You drive to work or where ever every day. You're taking a chance of getting in an accident. I've decided to cut back on some chances. I'm going to try to quit smoking so that i might have a chance at living long enough to make a certian someone happy. I have no real goals. All of my goals are very to this point were very me centered and didn't involve improving myself in the least. I see now that there is more to life than poor twisted me. My new life goal is to make the best of every moment and try my damn best to make someone happy. Until then, can one truly be happy?

But in the end if i'm with you
I'll take the chance- Richard Marx

Snow and smoke

I haven't smoked yet today and it's almost 5:00. In the afternoon you fuckers. How do i feel? I feel like shit. My neck hurts, i can't eat, i'm shaky, and i'm cold. My lungs can't handle the fresh air. I feel like death. On a happier note it snowed a little today. I love snow. I'd also love a Camel Turkish Royal. Ahhhhh. Oh well, i'm trin' here. Peace out.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Download Green Day Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Awesome song. Good day. I was at work and these pretty hot girls asked me to take a pic with them. Of course I did. I spent the rest of my day talking to a trainee manager and ripping a fucking ice cream apart 3 times. Overtime= Happy Tom. Went shopping with Alissa tonight and on the way home looked at the pretty Christmas lights. Though the lights were pretty, they didn't come close to my passenger's beauty. Alissa is the only person i could spent hours or days with and still want to spend more time with her. She's awesome. Well gotta call stotka so peace out yo.

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I'll walk alone. - Geen Day

Life's 2 Guaruntees

Death and Taxes. All I've seen or heard in the last few days is shit about people dying. First Alissa's Grandma, then my Nana funeral plans(she's not dead yet), and stuff from my Grandpa. I've decided not to qiut smoking and eat as unhealthy as ever. My grandfather on my dad's side smoked 4 packs a day until he was 55 and ate a stick of peperoni everyday. He lived to the right full age of 67. My Nana has alzheimers like her mom did. Her only wish was that she wouldn't put us though the same thing. She can't even feed herself. I'd rather die at 67 than go through that. I'd also rather die cold and alone than put others through that. May you never fall for me.

Death is so finale for only the living.
The spirit will always remain. -Ozzy Osbourne

I just want to strangle someone.

Have you ever felt so helpless
When the walls built to protect us
Suddenly are gone
And you hate everything that's breathing
The life you're used to cheating
Has finally caught on

Don't fear the reaper

Last day of classes today. Thank God. I'm so fucking sick of this shit. I was told today that my very good friend is now most afraid of death. Me, I fear funeral homes. It night be because I constantly put myself at risk for early death ot maybe because it's death that holds the unknown. Allright i know what it really is but it's the one thing i keep to myself so fuck you. I'm gonna attempt to quit smoking but the consequences of not smoking don't out way the risks of smoking. Don't ask. Anyways my god damn check engine light went off so fuck you 89 octane. Last time i don't put premium in the tank. Well gonna go and ..well..do nothing.

Dec. 7, 1941-Pearl Harbor Day-A day that shall live in infamy

WWII - When truma is brought on by other humans and not nature, it is even harder to recover.- Dr. Adair

It was just before dawn
One miserable morning in black 'forty four.
When the forward commander
Was told to sit tight
When he asked that his men be withdrawn.
And the Generals gave thanks
As the other ranks held back
The enemy tanks for a while.
And the Anzio bridgehead
Was held for the price
Of a few hundred ordinary lives.

And old King George
Sent Mother a note
When he heard that father was gone.
It was, I recall,
In the form of a scroll,
With gold leaf and all.

And I found it one day
In a drawer of old photographs, hidden away.
And my eyes still grow damp to remember
His Majesty signed
With his own rubber stamp.

It was dark all around.
There was frost in the ground
When the tigers broke free.
And no one survived
From the Royal Fusiliers Company C.
They were all left behind,
Most of them dead,
The rest of them dying.
And that's how the High Command
Took my daddy from me.

This train rolls on.

Good day at work. I got to voice my opinion with minimal swearing. Did I earn any respect? Probally not, but I got a laugh out of the General Manager. Also, three hot moms came into work today. I love hot moms. I know, i know, but I still think hot moms are awesome. I decided to hit on of them and she told me to stop by her office in Bentlyville if I got a chance. I think I might. I think she thought I was a manager. I know, I'm evil. What can I say? No more thinking for Tom. Also i'm done feeling bad for myself. I don't deserve anything anyways. My own bad habits are now catching up to me. So fuck you yesterday, I'm getting ready to kick tommorow in face. That's right, in the face.

If you could lock the past away
Step back through the doorway
This ride has just begun
If I could change your point of view
Is there someway I can show you
The best is yet to come - SR-71

1.4 Million, bite that

Closed a business deal, tried to get reservations (failed but can make more calls), might have sold a car for a friend, and had a miller with Monica and Brandon. Not a bad day at all. I find that shit happens, it's what you do when it happens that makes a difference. Me, I perfer to just walk away from bad days with my middle finger up, a cig in my mouth, a bottle in my hand, and mumbling obscenities. Fuck you bad days(including jerome, yeah we know about you). I see good thing ahead. That's right, I'm psychic, so fuck you.

Come notice me
And take my hand
So why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

Changes

Is there anyway to get over something you never had. Experience say: No, your fucked. I have underachieved to a new extreme and all I do about it is bitch on the blog. No more. Tommorow I get up and begin life as i did last year. That would be with a shower, a smoke, and a ride to education. Also no more what if. I tired of asking what if. That doesn't get you anywhere. What if i said something earlier. What if I waited. Allready fucked that up. Can't live in the past. Also no more what now. The present of a moment ago is already gone. It's time to ask myself what next. What next? For me I shall go into world and show it just how much of a dick i am and force it to give me it's money. Money can buy happiness. Mind you that it's only temorary happiness but hell, just get more money. This is the end of new Tom. Negativity, bite my ass.

One day you will look back
And you'll see
Where you were held
How? By this love
While you could stand there
You could move on this moment
Follow this feeling - U2

About this blog.

If you already haven't figured it out this fucking blog is my vent. One day i'll publish the god damn shit and make tons of cash. However, in the mean time i will continue to let down all who read this. I'm gonna make some changes so keep reading. My top ten list had some responces so i'm making another. It should be up later. To all who comment, thanks. The blog is summed up as the following

And all these lines fall short of what I had in mind.
A failed attempt to capsulize a feeling,
so I just try fail and try and try again.
And someday, I swear I'm going to get it
because I'm convinced that giving in is the worst thing there is.-Straylight Run

Top Ten List #1

Top Ten Reasons I'm Negative
10. I have been a dick for years and now i've lost some of it.
9. I fail ( or at least underachieve) at everything
8. God hates me(not that i blame him)
7. You work to live and live to work
6. I failed first year seminar
5. People can't drive
4. I'm too lazy to be lazy
3. The one thing i really tried at i failed at
2. My friends include a jew, an a-rab, nigga, coffee bitch, and sheep fuck
1. Life is just a series of shitty events that eventually kick you into your grave
My life story: I try to fail, and I fail to try

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK,

Thought it was cool

You cannot touch me, you would not dare
I am the chill that's in the air - "The Small Hours"-Holocaust

Your all sheep.

I got aim. It's superegosilence so message me if you want. Fuckers. Did I tell you what happened when I took Nichols to the petting zoo. All the sheep we passed went daaaaady, daaaady. Is it wrong to go on a date with someone if you know your not fully into the relationship? Is it allright to go ahead if the other person knows the preceding and dosen't care? Why god why? I hate thinking.
Pink Floyd - Sheep
Harmlessly passing your time in the grassland away
Only dimly aware of a certain unease in the air
You better watch out
There may be dogs about
I've looked over Jordan and I have seen
Things are not what they seem.

What do you get for pretending the danger's not real
Meek and obedient you follow the leader
Down well trodden corridors into the valley of steel
What a surprise!
A look of terminal shock in your eyes
Now things are really what they seem
No, this is no bad dream.

Is there anybody out there?

What the hell is it about me that you don't like? Honestly, because what ever it is others seem to like it. If it's not the smoking, drinking, swearing, or laziness what the fuck is it? Why am I so fucking dumb? When did my super ego show up? Since when do I think about others before myself? I have a beautiful woman who wants to go out with me and my conscious won't let me because I know I wouldn't be in it whole heartedly. I mean what the fuck. This isn't Tom. 19 years of being a dick and all I have to show is this blog which shows my demise. I need a change of scenery. What happened to me?

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that
I can't live a day without you - Michelle Branch